What are you weighing up?

We often hear the saying, life is just a series of choices and whilst intellectually I understood that, knowing it never helped me with weight loss. To me I was either losing weight, or gaining weight. I was either not eating, or eating. 

I knew that if I wanted to weigh less I needed to eat food that better served my body, but knowing this didn’t help me actually keep making the right choices for long enough to achieve my goal and get to a weight maintenance stage.

One day I was listening to a speaker discuss the concept of competing priorities. She talked about how if you want to change your behaviour you first need to bring awareness to the options you are weighing up. 

Instantly it felt like a ah ha moment, like something clicked into place as I realised that when it came to weight loss the 2 competing priorities I would oscillate between were:

Option A: Wanting to lose weight and 

Option B: Being able to eat what I wanted

In order to start to change something we really need to understand why each option is so appealing. For me I wanted to lose the weight, so I felt healthier, had more energy, felt proud of myself, felt more self confident, felt like I was setting a good example for my son and more felt comfortable in my clothes. 

Option B was appealing because it meant that I didn’t need to feel discomfort in the moment. I didn’t have to resist an urge not to eat something. It meant that I didn’t need to feel bored or sad, or stressed, as I could just eat to feel better. I was able to comfort myself through food. I could feel more connected with my friends, because I didn’t have to worry about not eating or drinking everything that I wanted. Eating helped me avoid a lot of negative emotions which was really appealing.

The reality was that if I kept choosing option B, then I would put on a lot of weight. I would feel self conscious, fat, disappointed in myself, uncomfortable, old, overwhelmed, lethargic and unhealthy (because I love fries and burgers). 

Really understanding why at times I was choosing the option B, enabled me to have compassion for myself, but also started to show me what I really needed. For years I was using food to manage a lot of my emotions. Like so many of my clients, food was often the way we felt, or avoided emotions.  

In fact some of the linkages between feelings and food came from very well intended places. When I was sick my mum made me my favourite chicken and lemon soup - and still does. The taste and knowing my mum makes it always makes me feel loved and comforted. And so it is no surprise that at the end of a big day when I am feeling raw and tired that I seek out food to provide me with comfort.

If you have a look at the messages we are surrounded with, in movies, on billboards from friends and family we are inundated with messages that food will make the situation better. How often do we see images of girls in movies recovering from a break up with a tub of ice cream, or celebrating with a bottle of champagne? 

Understanding the reasons you are choosing option B becomes really important because it highlights to you what you will need to manage for if you chose option A.

If you are going to chose option A then you need to think of what you will need to let go of in order to pursue option A. If you know that you will choose option B at the end of the day when you are tried and need energy then in order to choose Option A, you need to work out a strategy to support yourself when you are tired and need energy. This might look like planning a really nutritious meal that has you feeling really satisfied and going to a walk after dinner to unwind from the day. Now for the first few times this may not feel as satisfying, but as you practise it, you will be able to unwind the habit and soon a nutritious meal and after dinner walk will feel much more satisfying that a large meal and bottle of wine that leaves you feeling bloated and lethargic. 

When you are in the transition phase of swapping one behaviour for another, it is critical that you detail about all of the benefits of choosing option A. Our brain moves towards the positive and so we want to ensure we keep the positive top of mind. 

So think about the person you will need to become to chose option A. For me I needed to become someone I could trust, someone who honoured the commitments she made for herself. Someone who could feel a little discomfort, someone who had built ways to support herself when she feel angry, bored, nervous and stressed. 

Then detail out what is appealing about the person you will become if you pursue option A. For me, I would lose the weight, I would finally get to a weight maintenance phase. I would feel great in my clothes, I would feel healthier, I would feel more confident, I would have more energy, I would feel in control and proud of myself.

So if you have been struggling to achieve your weight loss goal - consider what other option you are weighing up, understanding this will help you build a plan that supports you in being able to choose option A over and over again.

Click here if you would like to download a copy of my Option A or B worksheet.