Losing weight for the last time
I have found that woman in their forties who want to lose weight have tried pretty much every diet, exercise program and supplement out there in order to lose weight.
The trouble with diets are that while they may work in the short term, most of us put the weight straight back on once we complete the diet.
I know for myself, for years I would start a diet and I would grit to the end of the diet, telling myself only 5 more days, 2 more days etc. Throughout I was miserable and hungry. I would resent anyone eating food and found myself constantly thinking about what I couldn’t eat.
I would get to the end of diet, 5 kg lighter and then proceed to put it straight back on, sometimes with a little extra.
What I discovered after years of suffering is that you cannot lose weight for good without signing up for a life of suffering, unless you are able to actually reprogram your desire so you no longer desire all of the food, or the portion sizes that are not serving you.
Years ago there was a study done by Pavlov with dogs and a bell. Initially by accident they discovered that they were able to condition the dogs to drool by the sound of a bell. This happened as every time the bell range, they would give the dogs food. When they took away the food, but still rang the bell, the dogs would still drool. This happened because by repeatedly ringing a bell and following with food, the dogs became conditioned to associate the bell with food.
The researches then took away the bell and the food to see if they could reconditioned this response, but as soon as they rang the bell, even after a long period of not ringing the bell, the dogs would still drool.
They then tested ringing the bell over a period of time without providing the food and whilst at first the dogs would drool over time they no longer did.
What this study showed is that if you take away the stimuli and bring it back after a period of time the desire will still be there, often stronger that it was initially. This is how most diets work, they restrict the calories and then after the end of the diet you bring it back and you find all you want is all the foods that you haven’t been able to eat. All you have done over that time is withhold/suppress your desire.
When it comes to losing weight for good, without signing up for a life of suffering you need to actually recondition your brain. And what we have learnt is that suppression does not recondition your brain, it is why diets create so much suffering as you are resisting your desire over and over again. Have you ever noticed that you can start your day strong, but then come 3pm the temptation is all the greater. This is not because the food became more attractive, rather your energy to resist the food has run out. It take energy to resist something, and so after the 5,6,10th time your energy becomes depleted. By trying to lose weight through resisting, all we are doing is actually increasing our desire for these ‘forbidden foods’ and increasing our suffering. It is this simple reason that so many people just give up and resign themselves to weighing more than they would like. As the cost is simple to high.
In order to be able to lose weight and keep it off for good, without ongoing suffering, you need to not resist food, instead we need to recondition your brain, so that it brings your desire back down to normal levels. We need to recondition your brain is no longer responds to the stimuli in the same way.
And to do this we need to not resist the desire, but actually allow it be there without responding to it.
So imagine you are at a party and there is trays of canapés going around. Allowing the desire would be seeing the trays of canapés, recognising that you would like to eat all of the canapés but only eating 2 of them.
Once you have had 2 your brain will tell you to eat more. If you are well practised at responding to your desire then it will likely have a tantrum like a toddler not getting its way. This bit will feel uncomfortable, because you are changing your response, and our brains don’t like change. BUT this discomfort will be short term, because over time the more you stop responding to your desire, the less it will protest. Just like the child throwing the tantrum, if they learn over time that it doesn’t generate the desired response they will stop.
Once you allow the feeling of desire to be there enough times without responding you will notice that the desire is no longer there. You will see the tray of canapés, you will eat what you had planned to eat and all the drama that used to go on in your head will be gone.
The allowing of desire, the ability to sit in the discomfort, rather than resistance is one of the biggest unlocks to losing your weight for good and being free of suffering.
So if you want to have a go, this week chose a day, write down what you will eat and only eat that. Throughout that day, watch your brain try and get you to eat more, watch and keep record of all the times in the day you experience desire, notice the desire come up and try and allow it to be there. Don’t distract yourself from it, don’t run away or avoid it and don’t give in to it. Just allow it to be there, be curious about it. How does it feel? What are you thinking? How long does it last?
Watch it rise and fall and then rise and fall again, notice the discomfort, but then notice the feeling afterwards, the pride you can feel when you don’t give into the desire, the urge to eat something you don’t think will serve you.
I like to keep a list a record of all of the times I didn’t respond and I have found if I can allow the feeling of desire to be there with out responding 100 times, I no longer have that desire. And I can tell you, being able to feel totally in control around food, to be able to trust myself, to feel proud of myself, not only impacts my ability to weight what I want, it also has such an amazing impact on your self confidence and so the benefits extend far beyond your waist.
So have a go this week and feel free to reach out if you want more information.
