What are you really missing out on?
I was listening to a podcast many years ago and the host said something that really struck me. She said, “so often we block ourselves from what we really want.”
Many of us struggle with weight loss because of not wanting, or wanting to feel a certain way in that moment. We adopt a very short term view, thinking if I want to lose weight I need to sign up to a life of feeling deprived and as though I am not having as much fun as everyone else.
After hearing that quote, I started to explore it from the angle of what was I blocking myself from? What was the true cost of being overweight? What was the upside of not eating the cake in that moment? Other than feeling deprived, what else could I feel?
Like a lot of my self reflection, it starts with a list. And so first I wrote down:
Reasons I often ate:
Not wanting to miss out
Fear of scarcity
Desire
Joy
Wanting to feel connected
Comfort
Boredom
Tiredness
I then wrote down the feelings that my extra weight created:
Guilt
Shame
Disappointment
Brain fog
I then wrote down a list of what my extra weight was costing me. On that list was:
Self confidence
Feeling proud of myself
Trusting myself
Feeling comfortable in my clothes
Fitting into my old wardrobe
Overall health
Better night sleep
I then imagined a plate filled with my favourite treats, I imagined eating it and wrote a list of what I thought of myself:
No self control
Disappointed
Shame
Guilt
Helpless
I then imagined that same plate filled with my favourite treats, but this time I imagined not eating it and wrote a list of what I thought of myself:
Proud
Confident
For years I had only focussed on the short term discomfort, without any consideration of the costs, I never looked at what feelings about myself I was missing out on. By laying it out on a page, it really highlighted that actually eating at times that were not aligned with my goals created more suffering, more discomfort that the short burst of discomfort I would initially need to sit with while I changed the patterns of my behaviour.
What this exercise also did, was reveal what I was really after. When I had been sitting at my desk all day and felt like a treat, what I really wanted was a break and so with knowledge I was better able to truly care for myself.
To be heavier that I wanted, meant that I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn’t have to manage my mind, or deal with short term discomfort. I could be unconscious about how I ate.
On the flip side, for me by choosing to eat in a way that had me putting on weight meant that I missed out on feeling proud of myself for keeping to my plan. It meant that I missed out of feeling comfortable in my clothes, it meant that I spent a large about of my time feeling disappointed in myself, feeling shame and guilty.
It meant that I didn’t feel as self confident, as I didn’t trust myself. It meant I often would feel out of control and powerless.
So next time you see a plate of treats and your brain immediately tells you that you should eat it, because you deserve it, or you don’t want to make others feel awkward, or you simple don’t want to miss out. Pause and ask yourself, what are you really missing out on when you do something that isn’t aligned to your longer term goal?
We so often block ourselves from what we truly want, when we don’t look at what doing that thing is really costing us. So when you have a choice, I want to offer that you don’t just consider the negative aspects, but also consider what are you gaining as well.
