Eating food to feel connected
Many years ago I was a smoker, I tried to give up countless times, but always found myself coming back to it. I remember thinking I am just always going to be a person that wants a cigarette (even when I am not a smoker). I would tell my friends, I am just going to give up for my 30, 40, 50 & 60’s and then pick it back up once I retire, and I was serious!
I desperately wished I could be one of those people that could just have two a day. One in the morning with coffee and one at the end of the day after dinner. But unfortunately when it came to smoking I was an all or nothing gal.
It was only once I learnt the method that I teach to my weight loss clients, that I was able to quit for good and the best part, become someone that doesn’t want cigarettes at all.
I can be sitting with friends who are all smoking and not even think of having one. It just doesn’t appeal to me at all anymore. I never thought I would have complete freedom around smoking, but that’s exactly what my method provided. Total freedom. I never feel like I am missing out, I never find myself craving just one drag.
Today I only have one friend who still smokes and so I will often go outside with her when she is having one, so she isn’t alone and so we can catch up. And that feeling of being able to stand there enjoying the conversation without any desire to partake feels amazing. It feels like I am in total control. I get to enjoy the connection with my friend, without the internal voice telling me just one drag won’t hurt. Realising that the smoking didn’t create the connection, rather it was my time spent with my friend.
Years ago, this fear of not being able to connect was an excuse I used so I could eat and drink whatever I wanted when I was out with friends. When I really looked into it, what I realised was that when I wasn’t eating everything in sight, or if I was trying to only have two drinks, rather than ten, there was so much mental chatter going on that it stopped me from connecting.
So whilst I thought it was not drinking the wine, or all of the chips that stopped me from connecting, what I realised was that it was actually just what was going on in my head.
As soon as I started addressing that, I found that I could drink only two drinks and have a normal bowl of fries, or none and still feel connected with my friends at dinner.
It was learning that the food isn’t what is creating the connection, it is my thoughts about what is going on. So if my brain is preoccupied thinking about all that I am missing out on, then I won’t be able to feel connected. If however I have a plan, I follow it and spend my energy really connecting with my friends the experience is so different.
Starting to tell ourselves the truth about what it is we really want and then actively going after that, is so important when you want to create change. Logically it does seem irrational to think that it is the food that creates the connection. But it is what so many of us tell ourselves.
But what it really is, is the moment, the people, the time, and how you are thinking about the occasion. When you are eating unconsciously, it feels like you are able to connect with others, because your mind is not running wild thinking about not eating whatever it is you are trying to resist. But true power is eating consciously and being able to connect with others.
To really understand that it is not eating the food, but instead all the chatter in your mind that stops you from being able to connect at dinner, I encourage you to reduce whatever you would normally have by just one. So if you normally have four glasses of wine, just have three and watch what goes on it your brain.
Watch how it takes you out of the moment. Witness your mind, not the food creating the disconnection. It can feel overwhelming at first and that is because over time we have created over desire that has been reinforced by dopamine. This is why so many believe that you need to suffer to lose weight.
To be able to lose weight for good without suffering or always feeling you are missing out, you have to understand the impact of dopamine and over desire. Years and years of repeated behaviours has created the over desire for things that are no longer serving you. The great news is just like you created the pattern, you can create new ones, so you are no longer at the mercy of over desire.
Following the process to reduce you desire back down to normal levels, will seriously change your life. You will lose the weight, but you can apply it to anything you want to take back control with. I have applied it to over drinking, smoking, achieving my goals and so many more things.
So if you want to learn more about how this method can help you lose the last 10kg for good, sign up to my free course which will give you 3 simple steps you can start applying today to lose weight.
