Feelings Part 2

In the last article we explored the thoughts we have on a daily basis, that we often just assume are fact, because we have been thinking of them for so long, or have never questioned whether or not they are true.

We then looked at how these thoughts impact how we feel. Hopefully you did some thought downloads, so that you can start to build consciousness around your current thinking and how it impacts how you feel.

In this article, we are going to look at how our feelings impact the actions we take and therefore the results we create in our lives.

Now I just want to pause here, because for many people, they believe that they results they have in their lives are caused by external things. But what I am offering is that while the circumstances in your life, such as someone dying, the weather, the traffic on the road, are out of your control. How you allow that circumstance impact you is within your control. It is how you think about that circumstance, which impacts how you feel about that circumstance, which then impacts the actions that you take, or don’t take, which then creates your results.

To illustrate, below is an example of what this looks like for one of my clients:

Circumstance - At an event where canapés, champagne and dessert will be served for the duration of the event.

Thought - It all looks so good, and I have no self control at events like this

Feeling - Helpless

Action - Eat all the capes and dessert, beat myself up for having no self control

Result - I prove to myself, provide evidence that I have no self control

If I take the same circumstance, but I change my thought, I can see how that impacts the results I create.

Circumstance - At an event with lost of canapés, champagne and a desert table

Thought - I am focussed on achieving my weight loss goal, so will only eat for one hour of the event

Feel - Determined

Action - I take a plate, fill it up and only eat for an hour of the event

Result - I am moving closer to achieving my goal

For a lot of my clients, the action they often took, was eating more than they wanted to. What helped them stop doing this and helped them to take different actions, was first identifying the feelings and thoughts that had them eating more than they intended to. 

Because whilst we often say, ‘I don’t know what happen,’ or ‘I just seem to lose myself when I am eating something I really enjoy.’ The reality is that something has triggered that action.

One by one you want to identify these thought and feeling combos that are causing you to take the action of eating when you don’t want to be. Because once we understand why we are taking the action we are taking, we can then look at changing it, choosing different thoughts and feeling combos, so we take different actions. Without identifying the cause, you are forever fighting against an invisible power. Shine light and its power decreases.

One feeling that often comes up for my clients is fear. Which is created from the thought, ‘I don’t want to miss out.’ When they think, ‘I don’t want to miss out’, it activates the survival part of their brain. And because it is the survival part, it feels very real, very urgent, like something that needs to be solved for immediately.

What is really interesting is, ironically when their goal is weight loss, the thought, ‘I don’t want to miss out’ when they see whatever food triggered them, is the very thought that has them missing out on what they actually want, which is to lose weight.

Like fear, is also the feeling of deprivation. Our brain is wired for survival, thinking we are going to deprive it will create panic and this will have you binging. Before my clients have their first session with me, many of them find themselves eating more than they normally would. They all think it is weird, but given 9 out of 10 of my clients present this way, I definitely don’t. 

All that is happening is when they think about starting an 8 week program, they think it will mean ‘they will be deprived, that they are going to miss out.’ And so in rebellion their brain freaks out, tries to get them to eat as much as they can, because it thinks that once they start their program everything will change. 

While there is no real threat of scarcity, (in fact many of my clients find they feel less hungry and more satisfied than before) the brain can’t tell the difference between a thought and reality and so thinks the threat is real and therefore responds accordingly.

Without being aware of how our thoughts and feelings are causing us to act, it can feel like you are constantly at the mercy of everything around you. It is why weight loss can often feel so difficult. Why it often feels we are acting in spite of ourselves.

Starting to weed out and identifying the thought/feeling combos that have you acting against yourself, against what you want, is the way we start to bring to light the obstacles that are holding us back. And once we surface these, we can then actually start tackling our weight loss at the root cause.

To start exploring your thought/feeling combo’s:

• Think of a goal you have and write it down.

• List 10 things you would need to do in order to achieve that goal

• List 5 obstacles, reasons, excuses, why you can’t/don’t already do those things

• For each obstacle identify how it makes you feel

• For each obstacle identify what action you take when you feel that way

• Chose 2 of the things you would need to do in order to achieve your goal

• For each of these, identify how you would need to feel to take that action

• Then identify what you would need to be thinking, in order to feel that way

To consciously create the results we want in our life, we have to consciously choose how we are thinking, feeling and acting.