Feelings - Part 3
In the past 2 articles we talked through why understanding how we feel is critical in gaining insight into why we act in the way we do.
The biggest determinant for how we feel, is not something external to us, but rather how we choose to think about something. And so if we want to understand why we are feeling a certain way, we need to identify what we are thinking.
The best news is that, because it is our own thoughts that impact how we feel and therefore determine the actions we take, we are in complete control of the results we have in our lives.
Often when it comes to food, we often eat to help us feel, or avoid feeling a certain way. Many of my clients say that they eat at social occasions to feel connected with family and friends. They like to have glasses of wine, or biscuits at the end of the day so they can provide comfort to themselves after a long day juggling home commitments and work. They eat to reward themselves, they eat to feel less bored, they eat to distract themselves, they eat to give themselves a break.
By identifying the feeling they are seeking, what they actually what, they can begin to understand why they are turning to food in those moments. And assess is the food actually providing for them what they are seeking.
For many years when I wanted to lose weight, I would drink wine and eat chocolate at the end of the day as a reward. What I found though was while drinking the wine and eating the chocolate, I would also beat myself up, telling myself I had no self control. If I had a few too many glasses of wine, the beating wouldn’t start until the morning when I felt a little foggy as a result of the drinks from the night before.
When I started really exploring what was going on, I realised that the reward I wanted was to feel validated, acknowledged and cared for at the end of the day. But drinking the wine and eating the chocolate was having the opposite effect. Once I realised this, I was able to actually find ways to provide this to myself. Sometimes this looked like enjoying a glass of wine and chocolate at the end of the day, without the ritual of telling myself I had no self control. Other times it was a yin class, or watching a comforting show on tv (I have recently rediscovered Grey’s Anatomy).
When I could identify what it was I was really after, I could ensure I was properly supporting myself in providing that.
So often we don’t even realise the feelings that dominate our day and the impact they have on our lives. One activity I love to do, to really check in on my feelings and see what kind of results they are creating is an activity called my My Top 3.
Part 1
On a daily basis what are your 3 most common feelings?
Why do you feel this way?
Describe each feeling and how you currently deal with each one
What results do these feelings create in your life?
Part 2
What would you like your top 3 feelings to be?
Why do you want to feel this way?
How would your actions be different if you felt this way on a daily basis?
How would your results be different?
Hope this activity helps shine a light on your current feelings and helps you see the results they create, so you can assess whether they are serving you, or if you need to be practising other feelings to achieve what you want.
